Oncologist tomorrow

Tomorrow a.m., 7:30, I will see Dr. Lechner to find out just how one treats cancer in a case like mine. I'm so curious!

The next day I get lab work done in preparation for the surgery on the 8th.

Other than that, everything's normal. I'm feeling good.

Don't forget the henna party on the 12th. Let me know if you want to come! It's in honor of all those with cancer and their families. And those without cancer and those whose cancer is all gone. Really, it's just important to celebrate, isn't it?

Henna Party

I just sent an email to all my supporters (that I know of and who live close enough to drop in) inviting them to a henna party at my apartment on Sept. 12.

If you're a reader of my blog and did not received an invitation, please let me know if you'd like to come. It's a drop-in from 1 to about 3. The person doing it is very good and her hourly rate will already be paid, so you'd just need to make a donation to her.

Saying goodbye to a wonderful person

My good friend Barbara's daughter, Renee, just passed away. She was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago, it came back in her lungs and then bones. I didn't know her well except through Barbara, and recently as I followed her blogs. She was a warrior in many ways and a good role model for how to face life. I wish I'd known her better, but I did know her enough to give a fond farewell as she goes to a better place.

Good news!

Yay! Woo hoo!

As you know, my original breast cancer finding was in the left breast. As part of routine screening, an MRI was done to find any other cancerous tissue on either side. Suspicious thing found on right; it led to MRI biopsy.

That was done Tuesday and I found out today from Dr. G. that it is not cancer. Therefore, we are free to go ahead and deal with the LCIS on the left. Surgery is scheduled September 8. It will be an out-patient procedure done under local anesthetic. Even though I don't technically have a lump/tumor/bump, the procedure is still referred to as a lumpectomy to avoid using the technical term (excision.)

The pathology report says the right side finding was this:

• Focal organizing fat necrosis with chronic and histiocytic inflammation and reactive fibrosis.
• Fibrocystic change, nonproliferative type.
• Negative for malignancy. :-)

I have only a vague idea what that means. If you know, do tell, but at this point I don't feel the need to scour the literature for data.

The workshop and the biopsy

Sounds like a promising movie or book title. Only I don't want to write it. But it does fit the blog post today. It's a little long but it's been a fun-packed two days & I didn't want to leave anything out. Including a picture of my henna'd hand! There was a great woman/excellent henna artist sitting next to me yesterday who kindly offered to henna anyone who wanted to be designed upon. Of course I wanted to. This is a picture of what she did to me. I'm hooked!

The workshop itself was pretty amazing....hearing lots of cancer stories was eye-opening. I had no idea how many kind of cancer, how many kinds of breast cancer, how many diagnostics and how many treatments there are. And am finally getting it how nasty cancer can be. I read something today that I will quote here:

"The tumor is a foreign entity that does not respect him and finally destroys him, without even respecting structures such as blood vessels, muscles, lymph nodes. It grows by transgressing every structure, every border. We can easily understand what happens when we compare the patient to a country that has borders and an army to defend its integrity as a country. If an enemy soldier crosses the border and establishes himself inside the country and the army is not well-trained enough to capture the enemy, to imprison him or to kill him, the enemy will call his friends and other soldiers will pass the border and settle down. Their base will be stronger and stronger. Without any respect for the original people, they will destroy everything around them which is not to their own advantage and will take all the food that was intended for the indigenous people. They will send soldiers to other places in the country (metastasis) to take over all the power of the country. The only possibility the country has finally is to ask other countries to help it and to attack the enemy with heavy weapons (surgery, radiation and chemotherapy). But such a massive fight greatly weakens the country and the outcome is very uncertain.

On the cellular level the same process takes place. The membrane of the cell is unstable and weak and the cell is ingesting toxins, not able to defend its integrity. These ingested poisons damage his normal functioning, creating anarchy and estranging himself from his own essence."

Up to that time I was trying to be "nice" to my cancer...telling it that I understand it likes being in my breasts (no jokes, here, OK?) but that it could kill me and could it please just leave? Reading the above made me feel like looking for an Uzi.

So anyway, the workshop gave me a good perspective and info I need desperately about how to relax.

The birthday aspect was good, too. Everyone seemed to want to celebrate with me which made the weird juxtaposition work a lot better. Lara took me to dinner at a funky little Mexican restaurant right on the water at Hoodsport. That was perfect. If you don't already know Lara, she is the most amazing person/daughter/friend/massage therapist anyone could have. I couldn't be more honored/grateful/happier to have her around. I told her I didn't know what I'd do without her and she said I probably just wouldn't laugh as much. SO TRUE. She's funny!

Today: MRI biopsy. Piece of cake. I did learn NOT to look in the little tiny mirror as they wheeled me in and out of the Tube. (Why it's there I don't know, but it gave me a tiny view of what was directly ahead of me.) As long as I ignored the mirror I was fine and really could have dozed off. They gave me a bunch of lidocaine injections which were hardly noticeable, and then I absolutely felt nothing from then on. Amazing.

By the way, don't ever assume that that any medical team knows what you know about your own medical history. I make sure to always mention to anyone giving me shots of anesthesia that I can't have epinephrine. Did that today, and they said, "Oh, we did not know." I don't ever blame anyone for that and just think that I'm part of the team (no matter what some snooty doctors might think) so it's my responsibility to provide crucial info like this.

Drum roll: results Thursday. Let's all hope it's good. ( Although I happen to know that "suspicious" in doctor-speak means they think it's cancer. I also know that they can't know for sure until they look at the biopsy...so I'm keeping an open mind.)

Harmony Hill

Today, besides being a big birthday for me (65), Lara and I are going to a one-day workshop at Harmony Hill called "Tools for the Journey." I'm really looking forward to it. If you've never been there, it's worth a drive to just stop by and walk the grounds. Three labyrinths, beautiful views, lots of gardens. I love it there.

I finally had a whole day to myself yesterday and feel quite refreshed. No kidding...I feel great. I tidied up the place so it feels homey and cozy again. Watched Bread and Tulips (an Italian movie...it's wonderful) and finished a book. And lazed around. :-) It was so so relaxing.

Thanks for all your kind and wise words...I love you all!

Solitude

Right now I crave solitude so I want everyone to know that I will be mostly at home. As much as possible. I love emails, though, so write all you want!

Today I decided to skip some Salmon Steward training, after much deliberation. I really love the trainings they have and did not want to bypass the first one of the year. But I listened to my little voices instead. Good thing, they can get pretty annoying if I ignore them for very long.

I'm getting great tips from people and books:

• put a picture up of myself that creates the kind of atmosphere or feeling that I would find helpful;
• alone time;
• watch Groundhog Day;
• there are free massages at a local massage place...woo hoo!

Keep 'em coming.

Appointment schedule has changed

MRI biopsy is now Tuesday the 18th

Surgeon's appointment is Aug 20th

Oncologist is the 31st.

I am grateful for the helpful people I've met all along the way. Everyone bends over backwards to expedite this process. It's definitely a maze, one which would be frustrating if the people in this business were not so understanding. Thanks to everyone!

More on the MRI results

I got a call this morning saying the MRI showed something suspicious in the other breast, so could I please come in and get an ultrasound? Yes of course. And an hour later they were putting warm goo on the right breast and looking for the oddball.

My breasts are what they refer to as "dense" so it's hard to see much of anything. (They said this a.m. that anything could be hiding behind what they see as solid black on the ultrasound.) However, the area of interest did appear for them and they thought that, since I already have cancer on the other breast, this spot warranted a closer look. Next week I get a biopsy with the aid of MRI equipment. That's Wednesday at the crack of dawn.

I told Dan I'll do anything they say except for a mastectomy or chemo. (I was feeling pouty and rebellious.) He listened as I went on and on with the details & then had some wise words. Namely, if I really do have dense breasts, then I will be "playing peek-a-boo" for the rest of my life, always wondering if there are cancer cells hiding behind the dense tissue. Good point. My mind immediately started thinking that maybe mastectomy wouldn't be such a bad idea. I really don't think I'd like to always be wondering what else is lurking.

Oncologist appointment is August 31. Not sure when I'll see the surgeon yet. It WAS scheduled for the 18th, but I think they'll want to wait until the biopsy results are available. Based on this it looks like surgery will be in September.

MRI results

I had the MRI yesterday. Good grief...they are expensive! $2,270. And I had to sign something saying I still wanted it even if Medicare didn't pay for it. I'm counting on my secondary insurance to cover it. (Isn't it interesting that I started Medicare in the same month that I start delving into cancer treatments etc.?)

So anyway, Melodie (my cancer navigator at Providence Cancer Center) said she'd see if the radiologist would talk to me about the MRI results. Later she said he agreed to and that he'd call today at around noon. However, today she called me saying he would rather talk to me after my surgeon talks to me. Understandable. I know that the lead person is the surgeon in this kind of thing and that other people involved would not want to step on his toes.

My first appointment with the oncologist, Dr. Lechner, is next Tuesday, just before I see the surgeon again. They'll both have the MRI results. That's perfect timing for me...I'll see what they both recommend before I decide what the next step is. Still am torn about whether to do radiation or not.

I'm starting to perk up again after a couple of weeks of fatigue. Someone should've warned me to get more sleep than usual. Oh wait, cousin Marie did mention one evening that she noticed I was still on-line at 2 a.m. and told me to get to bed. So I've been trying harder to go to bed earlier than usual and it helps. (ooops, it's almost midnight and I'm nowhere near ready to hit the sack.)

I’m going to start filling up my fridge with green veggies. I remember hearing right after 9-11 that they help control stress. Gotta start getting some fun new habits like this. Besides, I love love love a big bowl of steamed broccoli! And spinach. And kale. Hmmmm, maybe I should bring my juicer to the apartment and start juicing too. Makes big sense.

Setting the record straight

Because I'd been hearing that maybe people thought I didn't actually have cancer, I thought I better explain. This is the easiest cancer I can imagine having because it has not spread. (The terminology for that is either "in situ" or "Stage Zero.")

I did a bunch of internet searching for Lobular Carcinoma In Situ (LCIS) when I first got the diagnosis 7/20. A lot of the info seemed to be saying it's not cancer. Huh? Then what does "carcinoma" mean? After talking to the pathologist and the surgeon I must say it's still not black and white. It's considered by some to be not cancer because it hasn't spread from the lobe. But I was also told there are different definitions of cancer. Which leaves me in a gray area.

Bottom line, my surgeon says that no matter what, if I'm ever "in a group where the leader asks who has had breast cancer to raise their hand," I'm one of the ones who get to raise their hand. That seems pretty clear, eh?

More waiting

I thought my appointments would just start rolling along like a well-oiled conveyer belt (even though Nancy warned me that that probably would not happen.) My first appointment was 2 1/2 weeks after the diagnosis and it seemed that that appointment would turn on the action switch. On my part it did. Had lab work done this afternoon. Will have MRI tomorrow (to look for stray cancer growths not visible on mammogram.)

But doctor's schedules are out of my control it seems. I called surgeon to schedule the next appointment which could've been two days after the MRI but he's out all week. And I can't schedule the oncologist until i see the surgeon. So I will just enjoy a quiet week and try to clean up my apartment. It's piled with boxes, mail, bags and parts of a bathtub tower are strewn over the hallway. I thought it would be easy so just dumped them all out. There they sit. I've been gone a few days and am not home much as a rule so it needs help.

Gotta go take a nap.

Anyone have any advice or info about radiation treatment? I know the reasons to have it and some to not have it. Would like input.

Stage Zero!

My entourage and I met with Dr. G. yesterday to find out what my next steps are. He was great: besides being articulate and patient, he had a great twinkle in his eye. I took this as license to go to my bent humor side. In fact, I probably got carried away because I started feeling hyper so by the time I was done I was exhausted. After almost 3 weeks of waiting for this appointment it stands to reason that nervous energy had built up, and therefore is understandable that it all came to a head yesterday.

Enough of that. You want to know what's going on. Well...the really great news is that it's "Stage zero" cancer. Earlier than early is how I think of it. After an MRI on Tuesday (to determine if the cancer has spread beyond the lobe) I will schedule an outpatient surgery. It will require only a local anesthetic and maybe 2 days of recovery. So far so good.

Then..........the doctor said something about radiation following surgery. What??? Radiation??? That totally caught me off-guard. I had not anticipated that and reacted like a whiny 2 year old. "No! I'm not doing radiation." "Why not?" he asks. I tried to skirt the answer because I really didn't know why. He wouldn't let me get away with it, though...and, get this, I said, "Because I don't want to get sick." Yeah, I heard myself. He pretty much said, if you want to make sure the cancer does not come back, your choices are radiation or mastectomy. Oh.

Lara and I are scheduled for a one-day cancer workshop on the 17th, my 65th birthday. Is that just a little weird? But, it's at Harmony Hill, one of my favorite places on the planet so I'm excited about it.

Oh, and you people who've volunteered to help...you're still on, even if I don't NEED help. I decided I WANT it! Yay!

Ever heard of a Cancer Navigator?

Today my brother called to say he had just met a woman, Melodie Petersen, who is the new (and first) Cancer Navigator at Providence Cancer Center in Olympia. He gave me her number, I called her right away and have already talked to her 3 times today. If you know me, you know I'm curious (sometimes to a fault, I'm told) (but that can't be true....data is our friend) so to find someone whose job it is to answer all my questions is my idea of heaven. I also get the idea that if I ever do start freaking out, she would field the freakiness. One hesitates to unload on unsuspecting friends so I am very happy she's around.

Ironically I was trying to dream up a way that I could be a lay version of her before Steve even called. The last 2 weeks have been frustrating for me as I try to get accurate information and succumb to the waiting game. I wanted to invent something that would give breast cancer neophytes someplace immediate to go to. And lo and behold, someone else had the same idea and did it! I don't care, I still want to be involved so offered to be a volunteer for her. It's right up my alley, all except for the part that I have no medical background.

I had someone come clean my apartment today. Somehow I just wanted my environment to be all organized and sparkly before the treatments start. If any....apparently my kind of cancer has the potential to be even an easier walk in the park than I originally surmised. Well, if it turns out to be "practically nothing," then at least my place will be clean.

I told my EFT/acupuncturist today that this kind of cancer is called, by the American Cancer Society, not a "true cancer." He decided it was "fake cancer" and we made a lot of fake cancer jokes. As I was scheduling an appointment later, I told him I was going to a cancer retreat in a couple of weeks. With a straight face he told me he was surprised they'd let me in. It took a couple seconds for me to get the joke in there. I have to admit, I thought maybe they should give the spot to someone with "real" cancer, but then pulled myself together and figured I'll just go anyway!