Let the Roller Coaster begin

Those first few days....did they sound just a little too chirpy to you? Yeah, me too. I had a little sweet voice in my skull telling me that there would be ups and downs (not too hard to figure that out) so it wasn't a big surprise when I started quaking emotionally.

I'm trying not to over-mentalize but old habits die hard, so I had to ask myself...how can a conceivably simple case cause anxiety? Talked to my counselor about it and he says: mortality. Yep. Just the thought of cancer makes one automatically start thinking about it. I guess that must be it.

This morning a mini-panic started. Breathing hard, stomach in knots, restless. Without thinking about what to do about it I headed straight for the TV room, jumped on my little couch and turned on my little TV. Pulled a blanket around me and just watched whatever came on. That room was so cute at one time, but not now. I slowly have been pulling all the furniture in close to the couch. This a.m. I realized it was some sub-conscious method of creating coziness...a nest? Whatever. It works.

I did finally wash my dishes yesterday but can't find my camera to take a picture to prove it to you. It felt good to get rid of that mess. So here's a picture of one of Jill's peonies for you instead of the clean kitchen.

Oh, I met a friend of Steve's, too....he's a cabinet-maker and is going to come over with Steve someday and figure out how to build me some more counter space in my semi-kitchen. Yay!

What I'm doing today: making banana bread, lunch at Steve's and going to see Ugly Truth with Bonnie. I seem to be filling my time in a hyper kind of way. I really need some down time to relax and meditate a little bit.