Oncologist tomorrow

Tomorrow a.m., 7:30, I will see Dr. Lechner to find out just how one treats cancer in a case like mine. I'm so curious!

The next day I get lab work done in preparation for the surgery on the 8th.

Other than that, everything's normal. I'm feeling good.

Don't forget the henna party on the 12th. Let me know if you want to come! It's in honor of all those with cancer and their families. And those without cancer and those whose cancer is all gone. Really, it's just important to celebrate, isn't it?

Henna Party

I just sent an email to all my supporters (that I know of and who live close enough to drop in) inviting them to a henna party at my apartment on Sept. 12.

If you're a reader of my blog and did not received an invitation, please let me know if you'd like to come. It's a drop-in from 1 to about 3. The person doing it is very good and her hourly rate will already be paid, so you'd just need to make a donation to her.

Saying goodbye to a wonderful person

My good friend Barbara's daughter, Renee, just passed away. She was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago, it came back in her lungs and then bones. I didn't know her well except through Barbara, and recently as I followed her blogs. She was a warrior in many ways and a good role model for how to face life. I wish I'd known her better, but I did know her enough to give a fond farewell as she goes to a better place.

Good news!

Yay! Woo hoo!

As you know, my original breast cancer finding was in the left breast. As part of routine screening, an MRI was done to find any other cancerous tissue on either side. Suspicious thing found on right; it led to MRI biopsy.

That was done Tuesday and I found out today from Dr. G. that it is not cancer. Therefore, we are free to go ahead and deal with the LCIS on the left. Surgery is scheduled September 8. It will be an out-patient procedure done under local anesthetic. Even though I don't technically have a lump/tumor/bump, the procedure is still referred to as a lumpectomy to avoid using the technical term (excision.)

The pathology report says the right side finding was this:

• Focal organizing fat necrosis with chronic and histiocytic inflammation and reactive fibrosis.
• Fibrocystic change, nonproliferative type.
• Negative for malignancy. :-)

I have only a vague idea what that means. If you know, do tell, but at this point I don't feel the need to scour the literature for data.

The workshop and the biopsy

Sounds like a promising movie or book title. Only I don't want to write it. But it does fit the blog post today. It's a little long but it's been a fun-packed two days & I didn't want to leave anything out. Including a picture of my henna'd hand! There was a great woman/excellent henna artist sitting next to me yesterday who kindly offered to henna anyone who wanted to be designed upon. Of course I wanted to. This is a picture of what she did to me. I'm hooked!

The workshop itself was pretty amazing....hearing lots of cancer stories was eye-opening. I had no idea how many kind of cancer, how many kinds of breast cancer, how many diagnostics and how many treatments there are. And am finally getting it how nasty cancer can be. I read something today that I will quote here:

"The tumor is a foreign entity that does not respect him and finally destroys him, without even respecting structures such as blood vessels, muscles, lymph nodes. It grows by transgressing every structure, every border. We can easily understand what happens when we compare the patient to a country that has borders and an army to defend its integrity as a country. If an enemy soldier crosses the border and establishes himself inside the country and the army is not well-trained enough to capture the enemy, to imprison him or to kill him, the enemy will call his friends and other soldiers will pass the border and settle down. Their base will be stronger and stronger. Without any respect for the original people, they will destroy everything around them which is not to their own advantage and will take all the food that was intended for the indigenous people. They will send soldiers to other places in the country (metastasis) to take over all the power of the country. The only possibility the country has finally is to ask other countries to help it and to attack the enemy with heavy weapons (surgery, radiation and chemotherapy). But such a massive fight greatly weakens the country and the outcome is very uncertain.

On the cellular level the same process takes place. The membrane of the cell is unstable and weak and the cell is ingesting toxins, not able to defend its integrity. These ingested poisons damage his normal functioning, creating anarchy and estranging himself from his own essence."

Up to that time I was trying to be "nice" to my cancer...telling it that I understand it likes being in my breasts (no jokes, here, OK?) but that it could kill me and could it please just leave? Reading the above made me feel like looking for an Uzi.

So anyway, the workshop gave me a good perspective and info I need desperately about how to relax.

The birthday aspect was good, too. Everyone seemed to want to celebrate with me which made the weird juxtaposition work a lot better. Lara took me to dinner at a funky little Mexican restaurant right on the water at Hoodsport. That was perfect. If you don't already know Lara, she is the most amazing person/daughter/friend/massage therapist anyone could have. I couldn't be more honored/grateful/happier to have her around. I told her I didn't know what I'd do without her and she said I probably just wouldn't laugh as much. SO TRUE. She's funny!

Today: MRI biopsy. Piece of cake. I did learn NOT to look in the little tiny mirror as they wheeled me in and out of the Tube. (Why it's there I don't know, but it gave me a tiny view of what was directly ahead of me.) As long as I ignored the mirror I was fine and really could have dozed off. They gave me a bunch of lidocaine injections which were hardly noticeable, and then I absolutely felt nothing from then on. Amazing.

By the way, don't ever assume that that any medical team knows what you know about your own medical history. I make sure to always mention to anyone giving me shots of anesthesia that I can't have epinephrine. Did that today, and they said, "Oh, we did not know." I don't ever blame anyone for that and just think that I'm part of the team (no matter what some snooty doctors might think) so it's my responsibility to provide crucial info like this.

Drum roll: results Thursday. Let's all hope it's good. ( Although I happen to know that "suspicious" in doctor-speak means they think it's cancer. I also know that they can't know for sure until they look at the biopsy...so I'm keeping an open mind.)

Harmony Hill

Today, besides being a big birthday for me (65), Lara and I are going to a one-day workshop at Harmony Hill called "Tools for the Journey." I'm really looking forward to it. If you've never been there, it's worth a drive to just stop by and walk the grounds. Three labyrinths, beautiful views, lots of gardens. I love it there.

I finally had a whole day to myself yesterday and feel quite refreshed. No kidding...I feel great. I tidied up the place so it feels homey and cozy again. Watched Bread and Tulips (an Italian movie...it's wonderful) and finished a book. And lazed around. :-) It was so so relaxing.

Thanks for all your kind and wise words...I love you all!

Solitude

Right now I crave solitude so I want everyone to know that I will be mostly at home. As much as possible. I love emails, though, so write all you want!

Today I decided to skip some Salmon Steward training, after much deliberation. I really love the trainings they have and did not want to bypass the first one of the year. But I listened to my little voices instead. Good thing, they can get pretty annoying if I ignore them for very long.

I'm getting great tips from people and books:

• put a picture up of myself that creates the kind of atmosphere or feeling that I would find helpful;
• alone time;
• watch Groundhog Day;
• there are free massages at a local massage place...woo hoo!

Keep 'em coming.